For parents and carers
You might be a parent or carer who is really up for talking to their kids about sex, or the idea might make you feel anxious or apprehensive. Most of us didn’t receive RSHE in the first place, so how can we even know what good practise looks like for our children?
Also, conversations around relationships and sex are deeply rooted in our own personal experiences and belief systems, which can make navigating them even harder.
If you’re on the fence as to whether you think your child should receive RSHE, this report will give you clear information of the benefits of receiving RSHE. It also highlights what young people feel like they are missing from their education.
In short, evidence says that when young people receive high quality RSHE they are:
More likely to report sexual abuse
More likely delay first sex until they are ready
More likely to experience first sex which is consensual
More likely to use contraception and condoms
Less likely to have an unplanned pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections
There is no evidence to suggest that it will encourage your child to become sexually active.
Frequently Asked Questions
Will receiving sex education encourage my child to become sexually active?
This is a common question. We understand the anxiety around sexualising young people, or providing them with information that they are not ready for. However, evidence shows that quality RSHE actually has the opposite effect, with young people who are receive it often waiting longer before engaging in sexual experimentation.
We focus on nurturing social and emotional health - such as self-awareness, self-esteem and communication skills - alongside topics such as consent, sexual health and intimacy. This gives young people the tools and time to reflect on the implications of sexual activity, and have the confidence and ability to express their boundaries, and respect others’, within relationships.
What age should young people start learning about relationships and sex?
We believe that topics within RSHE should be discussed from as early as possible. This includes the correct name for anatomy and genitals, what consensual touch is, the difference between sex and gender, different family configurations, as well as being able to identify what makes us feel comfortable and uncomfortable.
We’ve featured a list of wonderful books and resources - at the bottom of this page - which can support you in communicating these topics in a way that suits your child’s needs and age.
Does being ‘sex-positive’ mean that you encourage young people to be sexually active?
To us, sex-positivity means providing a sex education free of shame and discrimination.
The links between shame and sex have deep roots in colonisation, the violent enforcement of ‘ideals’ of sexual expression, and the demonisation of anything that isn’t heteronormative, white or Christian.
This violence is also evident in a lot of white feminism, whereby ‘sex-positivity’ is centred around an idea of ‘sexual liberation’ which excludes a lot more people than it includes. Particularly people who are disabled or who are not white, straight or cis.
In practise, this means that we highlight the oppression caused by the relationship between sex and shame. We teach young people to respect others’ consensual sexual expression and decisions, even if they look different from our own. And that they are none of our business.
We highlight the multitudes of different ways that people engage in sexual activity, and the different reasons for doing so.
We support what brings people joy - whether that’s being in a polyamorous relationship, abstaining until marriage or living your life as someone who doesn’t fancy having sex at all.
How do you take cultural and religious beliefs into account in your workshops?
We have worked with groups of young people from a multitude of different faiths and cultural backgrounds. We never seek to promote one way of life or a dominant experience, but instead affirm how different aspects of an individual’s identity and life experiences will shape their feelings towards sex and relationships.
We highlight how Britain has a harmful history of discriminating against other cultures and communities based on their sex and relationship practises, and we emphasise that there is no ‘right’ way to be in a relationship filled with consent and mutual respect.
Our primary focus is to deliver information which protects students from harm and supports them to have happy relationships: whenever that may be, and whomever it may be with.
What do you teach about gender and sexuality?
We teach young people the differences between biological sex, gender expression, gender identity, sexual orientation and romantic orientation, in order for them to have the tools they need to understand their own identity and experiences.
We also highlight the various histories of how gender and sexuality has been understood. We show how gender is viewed in different cultures, and we celebrate the work of trans and non-binary activists.
No matter what the topic is, we include multiple perspectives, relevant information and we signpost to services that will support all young people.
We use resources and guidance from organisations such as Stonewall and Trans Student Education Resources to inform the content we deliver around gender and sexuality. We’ve also included some great organisations and books below for more information about how to talk to your child about gender and sexuality.
How do I know if my child is receiving a good RSHE at school?
Your school’s RSHE policy should be easy to find on their website and it should include the details of their provision. If it’s not there you can email reception to ask for it, or ask who the RSHE lead is.
This report also highlight the topics which students often find missing within their RSHE, so it is also worth checking in with your child or RSHE lead to make sure important topics aren’t being missed.
Isn’t it bit inappropriate to talk about topics like pleasure?
The idea of talking to young people about pleasure can be a confusing prospect for many parents. The way that we see it is, that in order for young people to avoid situations that are unpleasant or make them uncomfortable, we have to acknowledge the importance of understanding what we find pleasant and comfortable.
Again, good RSHE does not sexualise young people. If students know what they find pleasant and comfortable, and know how to check that another person is also having an enjoyable experience, they will be far less likely to end up in unpleasant or dangerous situations, and far more likely to build open and fulfilling relationships.
I have more questions or I would like some advice.
Great! We love to hear people’s thoughts, answer any concerns or provide any advice if we can. You can email us at hello@splitbanana.co.uk.
Further Resources
Check out our blog series on how to have better conversations around all thing sex and relationships for more tips and recommendations.
Other Organisations
Books
BISH’s Activity Book for Parents and their 14+ year olds
Sex is a Funny Word: A Book about Bodies, Feelings and YOU for 8-10 year olds
Can We Talk About Consent? for 14+ year olds
What Makes a Baby? for 0-8 year olds